Last month, I explored the idea that neurodiversity is not only about the importance of individual differences – it’s a collective opportunity when we reframe those differences as value and potential. This month, I am sitting with something more complex: the tension between the deep need to be seen and recognised for what makes us different and the equally powerful longing to break down the invisible barriers that separate us.

The Paradox of Recognition and Belonging

This tension – between difference and belonging – came up during the Neurodiversity and Inclusion workshop I ran for the International Organisations Coaching Network (IOCN) this week. The group represented diverse global identities, coaching backgrounds, and lived experiences. Clearly, “inclusion” cannot be achieved simply by developing policies or checklists. It can only begin with empathy and curiosity. And by asking: How can we welcome each other as we are – and not as labels or diagnoses?

And yet, as we seek common ground, the need for neurominorities to be recognised as different remains deeply important. Recognition brings validation, access to support, and the possibility of thriving rather than surviving. But here’s the paradox: the more we name and define neuro-distinct traits, the more we risk deepening the divides we try to dissolve.

This paradox surfaced powerfully in this month’s ION member chat, where someone mentioned the familiar phrase: “Aren’t we all a bit ADHD or on the spectrum these days?” For many neurominority individuals, that phrase feels like erasure or a microaggression – diminishing the pain of years spent misunderstood, unsupported, or unjustly pathologised.

And yet – what if there’s something to it?

Mythical Norms and Everyday Realities

What if the “neurotypical” – that supposed default mode of being – is the mythical unicorn? A social illusion we’ve all tried to squeeze ourselves into at some point. Could this – often thoughtless – throwaway comment lead us to something more profound: to recognise how cognitively diverse the human population is? Perhaps no one’s mind fits neatly into a ‘normal’ box? And maybe we are not just outliers. Do we represent a more complex – and honest – truth about the human brain?

At the same time, recognizing common ground must not come at the cost of diluting the very real and specific challenges neurominority people face. The solution is not to erase differences but to understand them more fully and to design for them more smartly.

Coaching, Culture, and Courageous Conversation

This insight is where my learnings on coaching, managing conflict, and mental health intersect in potentially transformative ways. In my work with international organisations over the years, I’ve learned that the key to creating inclusive environments is not a formal policy change but a much more fundamental change in how people relate to one another. Many neuro-distinct individuals working in international organisations have to navigate their unique cognitive profiles and cross-cultural dynamics, intersectional identities, and rigid systems. Coaching can offer a rare safe space – a place to drop the mask, be seen, and find new ways to thrive.

Beyond The Binary: A New Ecology of Thinking

But this can’t be the work of neurominorities alone. Rather than saviours, we need allies and partners. We need workplaces and communities that shift from asking, “What’s wrong with you?” to “What do you need to thrive?” We must stop thinking in normal vs. not binaries and start thinking ecologically. Just as biodiversity strengthens ecosystems, neurodiversity strengthens societies and communities.

Right now, our world feels raw, polarised, and exhausted. Conflict seems everywhere – politically, socially, even within us. Could the neurodiversity paradigm offer us some valuable insights? What possibilities come from shifting our mindsets? Could we find the courage to operate in a world not built on uniformity and social norms but in embracing complexity? Not on control, but on collaboration?

Possibility Thinking for a Fractured World

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I have learned from recent experience that we need more curiosity. More honesty. More humour, forgiveness, and grace. More courage and the willingness to sit with the paradox that ‘being seen’ for our differences doesn’t mean being separated or even excluded by them.

As we face current global uncertainties, let’s imagine a world in which we don’t just tolerate difference but actively welcome it, where we recognise the value of diverse perspectives. Where we have the humility to realise that inclusion can’t be about bringing ‘them’ into ‘our’ space, we can take the initiative to create an entirely new kind of space together.

Because maybe, just maybe, there is no “them” – just “us”.