by Amanda Graham, ION Volunteer and Neurodisruptors Podcast Host

Today there was a neurodivergent woman on Instagram talking about how much we as neurominorities have to defy our programming to be accepted by neurotypicals. Doesn’t matter if it’s a 5-minute conversation or a long-term job or relationship. 

Lordy. 

No doubt you know this feeling. Especially with communication. Does your Inside Narrator constantly monitor what you do when speaking with neurotypicals?

Do you go through a list of: 

• What I say (Is it too blunt? Are they taking it personally? Do they believe me?)
• How I say it (Yikes you’re too monotone right now- try a dip up to sound more interested. Now try going low here), 
• What my face looks like (Smile! No, smile harder!) 
• Whether I’m understood (of course not)
• Whether I understand what they mean vs. what they say (I’m not a mindreader but they’re still expecting me to not listen to what they’re saying and oh god oh god do we really have to dance this stupid dance this forever?) 

Here’s the thing. 

A couple of years ago I listened to a clip of Brene Brown talking about fitting in versus belonging. 

We spend a lot of our time bending ourselves into pretzels trying to fit in with different groups. Friends. Family. Work people. Hobby-lovers. 

I know I certainly did with the same people over and over in the Film & TV industry. It’s like jumping up and down, “Ooh, ooh- right here! Hire me! I can do it! See me! Right here! I’m just like you.” 

And when they do choose me, I spend so much energy (enough to power several large nuclear power plants) proving myself and fitting in. 

It never works. They sus out my awesome weirdness anyway. 

Lots of us know this feeling. 

But here’s where the belonging comes in. If we spend more time finding the people who we naturally belong to, it makes all the difference. People who get our quirks, uniqueness and worth right from the start. 

No begging. No over-explaining. No masking. 

We move differently when we surround ourselves with people who get us. And when we give the same energy back to them.  

For our own growth and mental health, we need to FIND OUR PEOPLE.  

Does that mean that every single fellow neurodivergent person is perfect? No. 

Does that mean that every single relationship with a neurominority person will be the best thing ever? No. 

But spending time more with neurodivergents means we can keep a lot more energy in reserve. We get that instant rapport. We have common experiences – big common experiences. And very little reason to mask like crazy.

As time goes on, more and more of my time is spent in the amazing company of fellow neurominorities. I want to hear about your special interest! And your sensory issues. And what your day-to-day is like. And all the deep feelings you have about the things that are important. 

And it has made all the difference.