Why hands-on therapy isn’t always helpful – and how to improve your experience
The challenge
Not everyone enjoys being touched.
For some neurodivergent people, physical touch feels overwhelming or unpredictable. But many of us actively seek touch because we find it calming, grounding and reassuring. We book massage, physiotherapy, osteopathy, kinesiology or other forms of bodywork to ease pain, recover from injury or simply support our wellbeing.
The question often isn’t “Do I like touch?”
It’s: “How do I find touch that feels supportive and nurturing, rather than something I simply have to endure?”
A client said to me recently, “I know everyone says these treatments are supposed to be relaxing, but I always leave feeling exhausted.”
As we talked, it became clear that it wasn’t the treatment itself that was the problem. It was everything that went with it: the unfamiliar room, deciding whether to chat or stay quiet, trying to work out if the pressure was “supposed” to hurt, and being asked questions before she’d had time to notice what she was feeling.
I’ve heard similar stories many times. The encouraging news is that bodywork doesn’t have to feel this way.
Why this happens
Bodywork isn’t just about touch.
Every treatment also involves sensory processing, communication, uncertainty, social interaction and awareness of what’s happening inside your body (known as interoception.)
Research suggests that many neurodiverse people experience these processes differently. Some need longer to notice and interpret body sensations. Others don’t realise they’re holding tension until it becomes significant, or only recognise afterwards that a treatment was too intense. For some, chatting while processing physical sensations is simply one demand too many.
This doesn’t mean bodywork isn’t suitable for anyone who identifies as neurodivergent.
It simply means that the best therapists recognise they aren’t just working with muscles, they’re working with a unique nervous system.
How to give yourself the best chance of a positive bodywork experience
The good news is that a few simple conversations before and during your appointment can make a huge difference.
Choose a therapist who is willing to adapt. They don’t need to be an expert in neurodiversity, but they should be open to listening and adjusting their approach. Before booking, ask whether they’re happy to tailor sessions to your individual needs.
Tell them what helps. Perhaps you’d prefer minimal conversation, softer lighting, or for them to explain what they’re about to do before they touch you. Small adjustments can make a treatment feel much safer and more comfortable.
Agree how you’ll communicate. If you find it difficult to say when something doesn’t feel right, decide beforehand how you’ll let them know. A good therapist will welcome feedback rather than expect you to tolerate discomfort.
Take your time. If you’re asked, “How does that feel?”, don’t feel pressured to answer immediately. It’s perfectly okay to pause while your brain catches up with what your body is experiencing.
Remember that you are part of the treatment. Bodywork works best when it is a collaboration, not something that is done to you. You’re allowed to ask questions, request changes, or stop at any point.
Finally, notice not only whether your body feels better afterwards, but whether you felt listened to, respected and safe. The right therapist won’t expect you to fit their way of working, they’ll adapt their approach so your nervous system has the best opportunity to settle, heal and benefit from the treatment.
Bodywork should never feel like another situation you simply have to get through. With the right therapist and a few simple adjustments, it can become what it was always meant to be: a genuinely supportive experience for both body and nervous system.
AUTHOR
Hilary Dancing is a kinesiologist and coach with a particular interest in neurodiversity and the wisdom of the body. Her work is designed to help people understand the connection between their nervous system, emotions and physical wellbeing. www.hilarydancing.com